Blogging has not been good for my sleep schedule. Posting is that one last thing I have to do every day, that one task hanging over me that I so artfully avoid, that nagging at the back of my mind that pushes me to do a million other things that don't really need to be done. The only thing I can't use to avoid the writing is turning in for the night, and so that too has gotten pushed back, night after night. One would think I was avoiding sleep and not this blog.

What I'm wondering tonight is whether it counts when I'm doing this only because I know I should, when the sole thing propelling me forward is the fact that I said I would do it. Because tonight's post, I'm sad to say, is pure obligation. I like to think there's value in this action, even if it is obligatory. I like to think that pretense can become fact, doing can become being. I don't like to think I'm copping out. But even if I am, I'm a little too tired to do anything else in this moment. And I don't plan to lose any more sleep over this dilemma tonight.

Here's to sweet dreams. I hope.